According to the CDC, a little over two million marriages took place in the U.S. in a recent year. That same year, more than 673,000 other marriages ended in divorce. Couples decide to divorce for many reasons. Some couples divorce due to irreconcilable conflicts or money issues. In other cases, spouses acknowledge a basic incompatibility and mutually agree to go their separate ways.
Our family law attorneys at Charles Ullman & Associates have extensive experience helping clients work through many family law issues related to separation and divorce in North Carolina. We focus on developing effective strategies and provide guidance to help clients make forward-looking decisions
Let’s review the ten leading causes of divorce in the U.S. and why they happen.
Lack of Communication
Poor communication between spouses underpins many of the issues that lead couples to divorce. A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, fostering conflict over the issues that all couples face.
Here are some of the most common habits that can lead to a lack of communication between spouses:
- Poor listening
- Taking a hypercritical approach or becoming defensive in response to constructive criticism or feedback
- Refusing to engage in critical conversations
- Dismissing or invalidating a spouse’s thoughts, feelings, or opinions
- Failing to prioritize meaningful conversations
- Leaving unresolved conflicts or grudges
- Failing to understand and work with each other’s communication styles
- Lacking boundaries or failing to enforce or respect personal limits
Infidelity
Infidelity can undermine trust and put a serious strain on a marriage. It’s one of the leading causes of divorce. Infidelity is not always confined to adultery. So-called emotional affairs can prove just as damaging to a marriage as sexual ones.
Allowing oneself to develop romantic feelings or sexual attraction to another person, constantly flirting with others, or choosing to spend personal time with someone other than a spouse can breed feelings of jealousy, abandonment, or resentment that can destroy a marriage.
Lack of Trust
Trust issues can cause couples to drift apart, develop grudges, or become jealous. Trust is earned, and certain behaviors can destroy that trust, such as not honoring promises, lying, acting furtively around a spouse, or engaging in extramarital affairs.
Financial Troubles
According to a survey of certified divorce financial analysts, financial issues contribute to nearly a quarter of all divorces and are a leading cause of divorce. Money problems can seriously strain a couple’s relationship, adversely affecting other aspects of the marriage, such as intimacy, social life, and parenting.
Financial issues can lead to divorce when spouses disagree over the existence of the problem or how to resolve the issues. Couples may get into conflicts over spending and saving habits, especially when one spouse feels like the other spends money too freely.
Couples also might argue over intertwining their financial lives. They may disagree over whether to combine their incomes in joint checking and savings accounts or maintain financial independence. Conflicts also may arise due to financial inequality between spouses.
Lack of Intimacy
Spouses sometimes drift apart due to a lack of physical and emotional intimacy. Failure to devote time to intimacy can cause couples’ relationships to lose a romantic spark. As couples grow older, they’re more likely to overlook the need for intimate time because of busy schedules, health issues, or focus on children.
As a result, a spouse may become dissatisfied that their marriage has become strictly a working relationship or feel that their partner no longer finds them attractive. A lack of intimacy within a marriage can drive someone to seek affection outside of the marriage.
Incompatibility or Growing Apart
Couples who get married at an early age often discover as time passes that they have less in common with their spouse than they once thought. The reality is that people evolve over time. When married couples don’t focus on growing together, they find that their spouse has changed so much that they no longer recognize them as the person they married.
Domestic Violence
Domestic violence or abuse has no place in a marriage. Spousal abuse can take many forms, including:
- Physical abuse, including battery and sexual assault
- Emotional abuse, including harassment, berating, belittling, and unnecessary anger or yelling
- Psychological abuse, including emotional manipulation
Violent behavior can have consequences beyond causing a couple to get divorced, such as inflicting physical or emotional trauma on children who witness or become aware of the violence.
Substance Abuse and Addiction
Substance abuse and addiction can adversely affect a marriage in many different ways, including causing financial stress. They can cause a couple to drift apart as the non-addicted spouse feels like they no longer recognize their partner.
Spouses may become frustrated over trying to cover for a spouse suffering from substance abuse issues or addictions. Conflicts can arise when an addicted spouse refuses treatment for their addiction. Financial problems can arise as the addicted spouse sinks an increasing amount of money into their addiction. Alcohol and drug abuse can also lead to domestic violence.
Unrealistic Expectations or Unmet Needs
Marital conflicts may arise when spouses have unrealistic expectations about one another. The unrealistic expectations may lead a spouse to attempt to change the other in an attempt to “fix” them.
Unmet needs can also cause conflicts between spouses. Unmet needs may involve intimacy, emotional support, parenting support, or household participation.
Ultimately, these unrealistic expectations and unmet needs can cause resentment and a breakdown of the marital relationship.
Cultural/Societal Differences
Cultural and social differences between spouses can also lead to marital conflict that causes a divorce. A spouse may enter a relationship with an understanding of gender roles, cultural practices, or societal expectations incompatible with how their spouse views the world. Over time, these opposing views can lead to friction and incompatibility.
Talk to an Experienced Divorce Attorney Today
If you’re thinking about getting a divorce, talk to one of our divorce attorneys about your legal rights and what to expect during the divorce process. Attorney Charles Ullman has extensive knowledge and experience dealing with the contentious issues that arise during divorce, such as property division, child custody, and child support. He is certified by the North Carolina State Bar Board of Specialization as a family law specialist.
Call Charles R. Ullman & Associates, Attorneys at Law, today at (919) 829-1006 to schedule a confidential consultation. Our attorneys focus on advocating for our client’s best interests to help them focus on the next chapter of their life.
