Many marriages fail because of infidelity by one or both spouses. Adultery, having sex with someone other than your spouse, can come as a shock to the spouse who has not strayed. The betrayal of a cheating spouse can cause emotional pain and anger.
Proof of adultery can affect court decisions regarding alimony and child custody in a contested divorce. A judge may determine that the adultery reflects poorly on the cheating parent’s ethical choices and undermines their fitness as a parent. The court may also consider adultery when awarding alimony.
If you have decided to seek a divorce and have questions about proving adultery, contact an experienced Raleigh divorce lawyer at Charles Ullman & Associates today to discuss your situation.
Here’s how to tell if your spouse is cheating …
Change in Communication Patterns
If you’ve begun to realize that you and your spouse don’t talk as much as you used to, it could be a sign that your spouse’s thoughts are elsewhere. Open and honest communication and trust are the cornerstones of a healthy relationship.
If your spouse has stopped telling you about their day or asking about yours, that’s a mark of indifference and a communication breakdown. When your spouse doesn’t have a reasonable explanation, refuses to answer your questions, or turns questions back on you as accusations, it could indicate they are cheating.
Altered Behavior and Routine
Affairs don’t just happen. They require intention and planning. A new sexual relationship is often signaled by an increase in the cheating spouse’s general activity, increased focus on their physical appearance, or changes to their routine. To explain more time away from home, a cheating spouse may claim to be working late or to be on business trips, which allows them to spend nights away from home.
Meanwhile, the cheating spouse will often become more protective of their privacy, especially regarding their phone, computer, or social media habits. Sudden changes in a partner’s behavior can be a warning sign.
Changes in Intimacy
A spouse expressing their affection elsewhere may show less physical intimacy and more emotional distance toward you. It is not uncommon for there to be fluctuations in the frequency of sex in a marriage. However, a sudden and significant change should raise questions. A considerable drop in your level of intimacy could indicate an affair. A cheating spouse may stop saying “I love you,” have a hard time making eye contact, shy away from physical touch, or become emotionally unavailable.
On the other hand, cheating can cause some people to feel sexually energized and more interested in sex with their spouses. They may introduce things that were not previously part of your routine or may suggest experimentation.
Unusual Attire or Grooming Habit
Other signs of a new romantic relationship also include more attention to being attractive, such as a sudden interest in dressing better, paying more attention to grooming, and exercising. If your spouse is suddenly wearing clothing you’ve never seen and adopted a new workout routine, you may question what is going on.
Financial Discrepancies
An affair can be expensive. Unexplained expenses on bank or credit card statements are a sign, so most cheating partners are smart enough to hide extramarital expenditures. As the expenditures add up, you may notice money problems that neither of you can explain and/or that your partner refuses to acknowledge or discuss.
You should be suspicious of newly acquired credit cards, questionable expenditures on bank statements, a new separate bank account, lower balances in investment or retirement accounts, or loss of interest in long-planned purchases, such as a vacation, an RV, a new house, or renovations.
New Social Circles or Interests
A cheating spouse needs an excuse for being away from home so often. This may come as an invention of new friends, such as a weekly night out that is just for the guys or just us girls.
A spouse who is having an affair may offhandedly mention people you don’t know, people they’ve met through their paramour.
Some cheating partners are suddenly interested in new hobbies or volunteer work that requires a few hours per day or a few evenings each week. When you show interest, and they brush you off, this should raise concerns.
Steps to Take After Seeing Signs of a Cheating Spouse
If you suspect your spouse is cheating on you, you should trust your gut feeling. There’s a reason for sudden behavioral changes in a person you know intimately.
Make notes of suspicious behaviors and try to have an open conversation with your spouse. Give them a chance to offer a reasonable explanation.
When you know it’s time to make a change in your life, contact a family law attorney at Charles R. Ullman & Associates.
Many divorce cases that involve adultery are made with evidence that has come from the cheating party’s social media sites. Even if your cheating partner has changed their privacy settings on Facebook or Instagram, information in their posts can still be discoverable legally.
Evidence of adultery found on social media may include:
- Photos of the cheating spouse with the other person (on vacation, out to dinner, or at the person’s home)
- Compromising photos of the cheating spouse and the other person
- Images of gifts bought for the other person
- Posts citing affection for another person
Email, texts, and other proof of adultery recorded on the phone can be obtained through the discovery process and used in court.
Contact an Experienced North Carolina Divorce Attorney
If it is clear that your spouse has had an extramarital affair and you have decided to end your marriage, it is important to speak to an experienced North Carolina divorce lawyer. At Charles R. Ullman & Associates in Raleigh, NC, we can help you gather evidence of adultery as part of your divorce case and use it to press the court for more favorable terms for you.
Contact Charles R. Ullman & Associates online today or at (919) 829-1006 to learn more about how we can help you.
